In Vedic tradition, which is followed in India, the couples get married based on seven vows, called Sapthapadi. They are:
Let us both create, secure and enjoy all things and comforts related to the physical body such as food, clothing, shelter and other wealth needed for the physical body.
2. Let us join together without ego, to do all that is needed to increase the shakthi (power) inside our body and enhance the strength of our intellect by Meditation, Yoga etc...
3. We promise that we will not force ourselves upon the other during those moments when the other is not inclined.
4. Let the man protect the woman and the woman protect the man with all the physical pleasures, and compassionately help each other to transcend Maya of fear and desire, without manipulation of one another through fear and lust.
5. Let us look after our ancestors, elders who are alive, our Guru, Devatas, and all animals that support us and the entire nature.
6. Let us support and strengthen each other in all moods and in all seasons in all situations, at all times and spaces. Let us share life not only when one of us is weak or on low spirits, but also when we feel strong or when we are in high spirits
We promise to follow all that is covered here and all that is not covered here as well.
After taking these seven vows (Saptapadi), the groom and the bride agree that by involving in all the seven promises, they both have become 'Friends'. 'I have got your friendship and you have mine. We shall not let this compatible companionship fade away' is what they agree in the end of the rituals.
Notably, the divorce rate in India is very low, compared to the other parts of the world. The concept of stable family is slowly fading away from the humanity these days. The challenges we face right now are purely based on the egocentric marriages, or egocentric relationships.
In my opinion, before committing to a relationship or before committing to a marriage, both the man and woman should understand their inner self. When I say inner self, they have to understand who they are. For this, they need to practice some Sadhana, and try to understand their own emotions, and the way they work. After understanding one's own emotions, and one's own self, one is able to live a beautiful life. Thus one can avoid almost, I would say 75%, of the modern problems in the marriage.
I realized this after doing many counseling sessions, to many couples who were irritable to each other. After talking to those in problematic relationships, I feel the main thing is, one has to understand himself/herself.
And the second thing is when somebody really tries to find out about himself, the Saptapadi, the one I mentioned, seven vows of the marriage as per Vedic tradition, will automatically fall in place, because if a person can read himself, he can definitely be comfortable with others. If a person can love himself, definitely he can love others.
But the biggest problem is, we don't know ourselves, but we try to love others. Once somebody really understands that 'oh I really don't know myself, then how can I love others?', then obviously his/her energy will turn inward. The moment this happens, the real knowledge is generated. The knowledge through senses or knowledge through study is always partial, incomplete. The society has been teaching us only this partial knowledge. To get out of this mental pattern, one has to go inward, and understand himself/herself. With this, we can revive the entire marriage breakdown tragedy which is happening now.
Please feel free to add your experiences....
An experienced writer and counselor in relationship management with 15 years of research and development on human relationships and emotions
- Author of a renowned book, CRM: A Step-by-Step Approach, which is prescribed for graduate programs in 25 Indian universities
- Speaks frequently on relationships, and his sessions are broadcast daily on Merina America 24-Hour Tamil Radio (www.merina.com)
- Saha is very passionate about his idols, he practices what he writes.
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